1. Lived in Tattered States of America for 20 years+. As a teen in Kwiinya, was attracted to TSA by useless things like money, Hollywood, images of young people partying (Freaknik, MTV Spring break, BET, music videos) & college (Uni) life that was glamourised in the media we used to watch back home. Of course as a teenager who knows little to nothing about life, such things will impress you. I wanted to leave Kwiinya post-haste.
2. When I arrived at TSA the culture shock, loneliness - even when surrounded by hundreds of Americans - and anomie of TSA culture was the worstest ever. In fact
Americans have no culture at all. I attended campo parties, house parties, clubbed at clubs I had seen in the movies, dated drop-dead-pretty American women, took long road trips across the country during Spring break yet was still very empty. Who was that who once said,
"When you get there, there IS no there." 3. Ten years in after grad school, getting papers and seeing most of the country including its (beautiful) Islands . I was even emptier than when I had arrived.
America is a weird place. It has been historically rich yet extremely poor in terms of social capital as Pundito brilliantly puts it. And the longer you live there the more you start getting weird yourself, developing a sort of tunnel vision that makes you think non-entities like Andrew Kibe are worth discussing, Or that the vodka-sodden-whores in the clubs you visit on your annual two week vacation are the yardstick by which all things Kwiinya are measured . Add thinking that the politicians (and their theatrics) + news bytes you obsess about from reading
nation.africa on your Dell laptop from your comfy bedroom in TSA is all there is to Kwiinya.
4. In TSA you can go 15 years without knowing your neighbor's name yet you see them from your driveway every morning. Very normal.
5. In TSA the mzungus and the bleks for the most part live apart from each other. Most Kwiinyans in Kwiinya will be surprised to hear this. Overt racism is common. Subtle racism is
a pervasive fact of life for every minority. I will never forget this Nigerian PHD young professor teaching at a local uni in my city that I met at an African party I attended during my freshman (first) year there. At that time he was about 30 years old or so and we considered him a mentor of sorts. He was toting on a fat blunt in the dining room where some of us were all sitting, as the music blared ,and fellow Africans were dancing in the sitting room. I even remember the song that was playing. Between the thick smoke from his blunt he said, with a far-away look in his eye;
"do not trust these white people, my brodas." I was surprised to hear this, given all his friends, students and neighbours were beberus whom he seemed to get along with very well. He was one of the very few bleks in that Uni. Why not trust them? I asked him. He continued; "One day I was partying with my white professor colleagues I had worked with for many years,. We were all getting really hammered at a bar. When they were in good enough spirits to be honest, one of them took a long looks at me and blurted out that
I look like a DONKEY. The rest of them burst into uncontrollable laughter for the next full minute." Very normal in TSA. Fake "friends" -msungus especially -who hate you with an unquenched passion chini ya maji as they smile in your face.
6. In TSA
friendship is upepo. Ask those yapping ati TSA is heaven how many
REAL American friends they have. That is, a friend you can trust with the keys to your house or who is guaranteed to come to hosi when you are sick. If they have more than 2 or 3 of those they are outliers.
7. Hamellicanos themselves do not like each other
, and Black Americans are the worst. Not only do they hate each other passionately, but they also hate immigrant bleks times infinity. Again, ask those bragging that Hamellica is heaven how many real African American friends they have. Beyond zero would be a miracle.
Contrast with Kwiinya
8 In Kwiinya social ties run super deep. Real friends are a dime a dozen. Family
ad nauseum until you want to run away from some of them who just want to spend time with you and talk and bond without ulterior motives. Many Hamellicano Kenyans will never understand this.
9. In Kwiinya if you are middle class and above, you are not rat-racing like a TSA'er who only gets
one week off vacation per year. Did you know that for 50% of TSA'ers, even that holiday week they choose to work? And woe betide you if you are part of the Hamellicano immigrant underclass (no uni education or no papers.) Some of those singing paeans of praise about TSA are illegal immigrants who have not been home in 30 years. They are stuck in dead end fast food job shifts, driving battered cars, living in crummy neighbourhoods and soaking their woes with gallons upon gallons of Coors, Old English, Schiltz and allied liquids to drown their miseries. In Kwiinya by the way, it does not cost much to be middle class, by TSA standards. GDP PPP is incredible here compared to TSA.
10. In Kwiinya there is no stress nor rushing fweeeeeh from place to place 24/7 as happens in TSA. Ask the braggers if they have smelt the roses in that country for all the years they have been there. Most have not even visited more than 10 of the 50 states in the union despite being there for dog years. Why? They are too busy to smell the roses. Too busy to even bond with their own families properly. Also it costs money which many do not have because the cost of living there is crazy. Everybody is working all the time to the point that when they attend a Broadway Show in NYC once in six months or visit the Grand Canyon or the MET, it becomes a big deal worth harping about, especially to the overwhelming majority of fellow Kwinyans in Hamellica who will never do any of those in their lifetime, rest assured.
11. In Kwiinya the environment is too beautiful to be compared to any place on earth. The beauty of the Rift Valley Lake system - a world wonder. Our pristine Coast line all the way down to Wasini and Funzi. Central Island National Park in my home squared (Lokichokio
). And of course the staples that the whole Western world comes to see; The Mara plains and so on. I visited Sokoke Arabuko National Park a few years ago and saw things I have never seen anywhere else in the world. If you love nature, Kwiinya is almost impossible to beat. Wakina Yosemite- which is also nice - do not even come close.
12. In Kwiinya if you are middle class and above, tis easy to get ahead if you even have half a brain when it comes to investments. Labour is dirt cheap. So are materials. So is land. If you sell a typical middle class mansion in TSA and buy land in Kwiinya, you are talking tens of acres mashinani upon which you can create your own kingdom with fawning servants attending to your every beck and call to boot. I love seeing young Kwiinyans sharing how their mjengos are going on social media. Tena
BILA LOANS. Ask TSA kwiinyans how much debt they have. Most will not tell you the truth.;
that the banks, mortgage and credit card companies own them to their chupi!13. In Kwiinya you can basically live an upper class life with TSA middle class money. If you have REAL TSA money, you can basically live like a small god hapa.
14. And finally the best thing I like about Kwiinya is not only our deep cultural roots but our shared values (for the most part) compared to Hamellicanos. In Kwiinya a weddo is a vastly elaborate process involving very many people from both families. It involves ruracios/introduction ceremonies, bride price negotiations, sweet talking the bride's people and so on. On the actually day, hundreds attend. Some from very far away. After the weddo there are other ceremonies to be fulfilled. Any wonder why majority of Kwiinyans stay married for decades? A strong family is critical to raising well adjusted kids. When you go through such a process divorce is more or less not an option. In TSA you both run to your local county office and within ten minutes you are married. Any wonder why TSA -- black TSA especially --- is majority divorced or single mamas with baby daddies? Relationships and marriages hardly last there. Imagine how the kids of such an environment turn out. On shared values, no matter how much Kenyans make a hullabaloo about politricks, we share so much more in common that it is unbelievable. If I drove to Bubisa (north of Marsabit) today and lodged there, I am sure I would have no problems walking the streets hapo and talking to the locals as if they were old friends. A Kenyan anywhere will find it very easy to have a long conversation and make new friends with a Kenyan anywhere hapa. Ask Kenyan-Hamellicanos if they can go to the middle of Utah or to Redneck Texas (Yikes!) or even to Times Square NYC if they can do the same. They will probably be shot at or given weird stares. Especially if they have a non-American accent.
In the final analysis
Kwiinya is HOME and there is no place like it. You can harp about corruption till the cows come home, but the truth is TSA is
ground zero for global corruption.There the stealing is sophisticated and highly sanitized 
Topic: Life abroad is very lonely (Read 2962 times)