How to Get Out of Somalia

[Omollo]

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I hate helping the enemy in this case Jubilee. I would ordinarily demand a lot of cash upfront for this kind of advice but now that The Fatherland is in danger, I opt to give it for free.

Option -1. Find an easy Al Shabaab base, armed with embedded journalists bribed to gluttony, bomb it to smithereens. Parade the bodies for Kenyans to see and declare that it was the last remaining Al Shabaab position. Declare victory and start withdrawing. Keep a tight lid on the media so that the narrative remains yours during the withdrawal. If some disagree have ready answers like Al Shabaab is now a guerrilla movement and mesmerize the citizenry with the differences between a standing army and a guerrilla movement. Wananchi love to participate in complex military issues;

Option 2. Talk to the UN and with threats and inducements (I never saw a place with so many highly educated corrupt people in my entire life!) arrange for redeployment. That means the UN invites Kenya to send peacekeepers to some other mission - say DRC. Loudly complain that you welcome the honour but are thinly stretched. Amid publicity declare victory in Somalia and send the thieving charcoal smugglers to DRC. Request support to airlift the whole bunch and their equipment. Spend on antovs but clear them out of Somalia.

Option3. Arrange for the government of Somalia to "expel Kenyan Troops" from its territory. Unleash attack dogs like Moses Kuria and Maina Kamanda to dish it out to the Somali government. But ask senior GoK officials including Duale and Kindiki to shut up. Send Fatty Bi Omamo to announce compliance. Just an addendum: Appoint Karangi High Commissioner to Canada while he is on a trip to Europe before Fatty announces. Otherwise you face a coup from defeated and humiliated returning soldiers. (The classic solution to defeated returning soldiers was to have them killed in large enough numbers so that they posed no threat)

Option 4. The Stupid Leader's option: Withdraw the way everybody is saying. Good luck if you are still in power by the time the APCS and Tanks reach Thika!

[Jaribu Kwanza]

Thanks for such a fascinating dreams

[RV Pundit]

Very good ideas omollo. I like option 2. Kenya AMISON TROOPs can be deployed elsewhere and replaced by even Indians.

[Georgesoros]

Guys guys,
You are big fools. LISTEN. They get lots of money from UN. So, keep dreaming.

[Omollo]

In that case read option 2.

Guys guys,
You are big fools. LISTEN. They get lots of money from UN. So, keep dreaming.

[Georgesoros]

People dont like complications. It even gets worse with govt. They'd rather stay there and hope Ashabs goes away and all will be OK. Look at Nigeria....

[Omollo]

Mine is advice to the rulers. I am according them a painless way of getting out of a quagmire. If they don't it will turn into the proverbial quick sand

People dont like complications. It even gets worse with govt. They'd rather stay there and hope Ashabs goes away and all will be OK. Look at Nigeria....

[mya88]

@Omollo
Option 1 is out of question. Alshabab never forgets, they will continue to keep a grudge and attack Kenyans in the future as payback.

Option 2Option 3Option 4 is good although we may have to pay back the money meant for troops that has already been eaten if any. Or the movement has no money to pay those troops when they get back.

[RV Pundit]

Yes option 2 is the most responsible way to end this mess. KDF need to move back to NEP and ring fence that border. Another force within africa or outside should take kenya AMISION role in southern somalia.

[Kim Jong-Un's Pajama Pants]

Option 5 and one that does not need outside intervention.  Quit AMISOM, incorporate Al-Shabaab into Ras Kamboni and let them control an independent Jubbaland along the lines of Somaliland. 

That can work.  But the rotund ones will have to give up a lot of unaccountable loot coming their way from uncle Sam.

[Omollo]

Option 5 and one that does not need outside intervention.  Quit AMISOM, incorporate Al-Shabaab into Ras Kamboni and let them control an independent Jubbaland along the lines of Somaliland. 

That can work.  But the rotund ones will have to give up a lot of unaccountable loot coming their way from uncle Sam.