Nipate
Forum => Kenya Discussion => Topic started by: Globalcitizen12 on January 06, 2016, 06:23:11 AM
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Exactly four years ago on an evening like this, I was embracing for a ferocious duel with the mythical January as I had partied my way to brokenness during the then concluded Christmas and New Year festivities. Sadly my then girlfriend was the architect of my miseries
I was already very broke and she didn’t want to leave my house. She used to spend most of her time at my place much to my agony as I was severely straining to sustain both of our digestive systems. On that very evening while I was still at work, she sent me a message “hi swits, nimeenda kuona beshte yangu ule nilikushow anatoka coast…nimeachia caretaker kifungu”. It was a message that I embraced with delight since on the very same day I was planning to tell her to leave my house due to financial circumstances.
When I got home from work, i bought some omena worth 50 bob along the road side as now being alone; they could see me through the next 3-4days. On nearing our block, I noticed the lights on my sitting room were on so I called the caretaker “wee silas, kwani ule msichana hakuenda?” I inquired. “alienda akarudi na mgeni mwingine mrembo kama yeye bana, sijui ni dadake, si uniunganishie?” he replied
“swits, uko wapi? Mgeni ashafika and she is so so eager to meet you, kuja na nyama kilo mbili hivi” was the unread message that had been sent to my phone…I read it with a mixture of anger, fury and himility “Babe, leo inakaa nitatoka job late huko ma saa tatu usiku, si wacha nitawaona kesho juu mkiningoja naeza wachelewesha” I replied, standing just 10 meters away from my crib and it was still 7.00PM. I then loitered around the hood with the omena stuffed in black polythene dangling in my hand hoping they would go. Around 9:30pm, I returned home..They hadn’t left. I had to go inside my house..After all, it was MY house. ..Or so I thought
I opened the door, found the two ladies chatting amidst some bottle of viceroy, no meat bought. My then girlfriend did the introductions then pulled me to the kitchen, “babe iko wapi nyama?” she asked. I handed my polythene to her and told her, “my dear, proteins is proteins”. This would be followed with “You know very well I’m allergic to omena, same as my pal, we aint mixing that shit with viceroy, kama ulitaka tulale njaa ungetuambia” she really yelled. I gathered that she wasn’t in the mood to cook, and given that I had skipped that day’s lunch owing to financial hardship, I could not waste any more time waiting for her moods to cool so that she cooks, I was very hungry …I prepared ugali, fried the omena, took my share from the kitchen, went and ate it in my bedroom then slept without lying to my hopes that coitus was a possibility that night.
When I woke up in the morning, I found they had left. By 7.00AM they were gone. I then went to the kitchen to put the remaining omena and ugali in the fridge so that I could use them for supper again, only to find that they had extensively emptied the sufuria of omena alongside the ugali that I had left. Nothing survived. January is not a respecter of allergies. I always repeat this story every January so that some of these ladies understand that even our egos can’t wrestle and defeat January …mtupeleke pole pole
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Hehehe. Sounds like the Jaymo Yule Msee dude.