Author Topic: Life abroad is very lonely  (Read 573 times)

Offline RV Heavy Hitter!

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Re: Life abroad is very lonely
« Reply #20 on: March 19, 2023, 12:16:05 AM »
1. Lived in Tattered States of America for 20 years+. As a teen in Kwiinya, was attracted to TSA by useless things like money, Hollywood, images of young people partying (Freaknik, MTV Spring break, BET, music videos) & college (Uni) life that was glamourised in the media we used to watch back home.  Of course as a teenager who knows little to nothing about life, such things will impress you. I wanted to leave Kwiinya post-haste.

2. When I arrived at TSA the culture shock, loneliness - even when surrounded by hundreds of Americans -  and anomie of TSA culture was the worstest ever. In fact Americans have no culture at all.  I attended campo parties, house parties, clubbed at clubs I had seen in the movies, dated drop-dead-pretty American women, took long road trips across the country during Spring break yet was still very empty. Who was that who once said, "When you get there, there IS no there."

3. Ten years in after grad school, getting papers and seeing most of the country including its (beautiful) Islands . I was even emptier than when I had arrived.
America is a weird place. It has been historically rich yet extremely poor in terms of social capital as Pundito brilliantly puts it. And the longer you live there the more you start getting weird yourself, developing a sort of tunnel vision that makes you think non-entities like Andrew Kibe are worth discussing, Or that the vodka-sodden-whores in the clubs you visit on your annual two week vacation are the yardstick by which all things Kwiinya are measured . Add thinking that the politicians (and their theatrics) + news bytes you obsess about from reading on your Dell laptop from your comfy bedroom in TSA is all there is to Kwiinya.

4. In TSA you can go 15 years without knowing your neighbor's name yet you see them from your driveway every morning. Very normal.

5. In TSA the mzungus and the bleks for the most part live apart from each other. Most Kwiinyans in Kwiinya will be surprised to hear this. Overt racism is common. Subtle racism is a pervasive fact of life for every minority. I will never forget this Nigerian PHD young professor teaching at a local uni in my city that I met at an African party I attended during my freshman (first) year there. At that time he was about 30 years old or so and we considered him a mentor of sorts. He was toting on a fat blunt in the dining room where some of us were all sitting, as the music blared ,and fellow Africans were dancing in the sitting room. I even remember the song that was playing. Between the thick smoke from his blunt he said, with a far-away look in his eye; "do not trust these white people, my brodas." I was surprised to hear this, given all his friends, students and neighbours were beberus whom he seemed to get along with very well. He was one of the very few bleks in that Uni. Why not trust them? I asked him. He continued;  "One day I was partying with my white professor colleagues I had worked with for many years,. We were all getting really hammered at a bar. When they were in good enough spirits to be honest, one of them took a long looks at me and blurted out that I look like a DONKEY. The rest of them burst into uncontrollable laughter for the next full minute." Very normal in TSA. Fake "friends" -msungus especially -who hate you with an unquenched passion chini ya maji as they smile in your face.

6. In TSA friendship is upepo. Ask those yapping ati TSA is heaven how many REAL American friends they have. That is, a friend you can trust with the keys to your house or who is guaranteed to come to hosi when you are sick. If they have more than 2 or 3 of those they are outliers.

7. Hamellicanos themselves do not like each other :roll:,  and Black Americans  are the worst. Not only do they hate each other passionately, but they also hate immigrant bleks times infinity. Again, ask those bragging that Hamellica is heaven how many real African American friends they have. Beyond zero would be a miracle.

Contrast with Kwiinya

8 In Kwiinya social ties run super deep. Real friends are a dime a dozen. Family ad nauseum until you want to run away from some of them who just want to spend time with you and talk and bond without ulterior motives. Many Hamellicano Kenyans will never understand this.

9. In Kwiinya if you are middle class and above, you are not rat-racing like a TSA'er who only gets one week off vacation per year. Did you know that for 50% of TSA'ers, even that holiday week they choose to work? And woe betide you if you are part of the Hamellicano immigrant underclass (no uni education or no papers.) Some of those singing paeans of praise about TSA are illegal immigrants who have not been home in 30 years. They are stuck in dead end fast food job shifts, driving battered cars, living in crummy neighbourhoods and soaking their woes with gallons upon gallons of Coors, Old English, Schiltz and allied liquids to drown their miseries. In Kwiinya by the way, it does not cost much to be middle class, by TSA standards. GDP PPP is incredible here compared to TSA.

10. In Kwiinya there is no stress nor rushing fweeeeeh from place to place 24/7 as happens in TSA. Ask the braggers if they have smelt the roses in that country for all the years they have been there. Most have not even visited more than 10 of the 50 states in the union despite being there for dog years.  Why? They are too busy to smell the roses. Too busy to even bond with their own families properly.  Also it costs money which many do not have because the cost of living there is crazy. Everybody is working all the time to the point that when they attend a Broadway Show in NYC  once in six months or visit the Grand Canyon or the MET, it becomes a big deal worth harping about, especially to the overwhelming majority of fellow Kwinyans in Hamellica who will never do any of those in their lifetime, rest assured.

11. In Kwiinya the environment is too beautiful to be compared to any place on earth. The beauty of the Rift Valley Lake system - a world wonder. Our pristine Coast line all the way down to Wasini and Funzi.  Central Island National Park in my home squared (Lokichokio :D). And of course the staples that the whole Western world comes to see; The Mara plains and so on. I visited Sokoke Arabuko National Park a few years ago and saw things I have never seen anywhere else in the world. If you love nature, Kwiinya is almost impossible to beat. Wakina Yosemite- which is also nice - do not even come close.

12. In Kwiinya if you are middle class and above, tis easy to get ahead if you even have half a brain when it comes to investments. Labour is dirt cheap. So are materials. So is land. If you sell a typical middle class mansion in TSA and buy land in Kwiinya, you are talking tens of acres mashinani upon which you can create your own kingdom with fawning servants attending to your every beck and call to boot. I love seeing young Kwiinyans sharing how their mjengos are going on social media. Tena BILA LOANS. Ask TSA kwiinyans how much debt they have. Most will not tell you the truth.; that the banks, mortgage and credit card companies own them to their chupi!

13. In Kwiinya you can basically live an upper class life with TSA middle class money. If you have REAL TSA money, you can basically live like a small god hapa.

14. And finally the best thing I like about Kwiinya is not only our deep cultural roots but our shared values (for the most part) compared to Hamellicanos. In Kwiinya a weddo is a vastly elaborate process involving very many people from both families. It involves ruracios/introduction ceremonies, bride price negotiations, sweet talking the bride's people and so on. On the actually day, hundreds attend. Some from very far away. After the weddo there are other ceremonies to be fulfilled. Any wonder why majority of Kwiinyans stay married for decades?  A strong family is critical to raising well adjusted kids. When you go through such a process divorce is more or less not an option. In TSA you both run to your local county office and within ten minutes you are married. Any wonder why TSA -- black TSA especially --- is majority divorced or single mamas with baby daddies? Relationships and marriages hardly last there.  Imagine how the kids of such an environment turn out. On shared values, no matter how much Kenyans make a hullabaloo about politricks, we share so much more in common that it is unbelievable. If I drove to Bubisa (north of Marsabit) today and lodged there, I am sure I would have no problems walking the streets hapo and talking to the locals as if they were old friends. A Kenyan anywhere will find it very easy to have a long conversation and make new friends with a Kenyan anywhere hapa. Ask Kenyan-Hamellicanos if they can go to the middle of Utah or to Redneck Texas (Yikes!) or even to Times Square NYC if they can do the same. They will probably be shot at or given weird stares. Especially if they have a non-American accent.

In the final analysis Kwiinya is HOME and there is no place like it. You can harp about corruption till the cows come home, but the truth is TSA is ground zero for global corruption.There the stealing is sophisticated and highly sanitized .

When I think back to the 20 years+ I spent in TSA I just SMH in amusement. I should have come back after year ten.
Hamellica is nice when you are young and dumb and excited. After age 30 it becomes passé. Serious Kwiinyans hambroad, come back in your own timing.

Ni hayo tu.
That is someone who failed to hack it in USA, or was pushed out by the system to jail or deported. If you are into traditional family, wealth, security, and things that make someone happy, USA provides it all. Things you can do in Kenya can be done better in USA. The thing that make USA different and boring remains routine. No time for fun because most people are always busy working, doing business, or saving for retirement (securing the future).
The future belongs to those who have a quarter of the character and integrity of RV Heavy Hitter!

Offline 20 years since Las Vegas

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Re: Life abroad is very lonely
« Reply #21 on: March 19, 2023, 05:45:57 AM »
I think it also depends on your personality, speaking for myself, I do not need to have a million friend or be socializing constantly to feel good about myself. I am kind of a “loner” who enjoys time to myself and solitude. This is my personality, when I was in Kenya or when I am there visiting, I hate people popping in and out all the times sometimes unannounced. I love spending time with my wife alone doing things we love. We get invited to dinners or parties and sometimes these are a pain. I find it very difficult to talk to some people especially those whose masomo ended at the end of schooling and this is what most Kenyans are, they will talk about Ruto all day but if you ask them who Neil deGrasse Tyson is, they give you a blank stare. I am very friendly to neighbors who are mostly white and Democrat but we do not have to hang out all the times. I attend events like graduations and they do mine but that’s the extent of our interaction. The people you guys are talking about who are here chasing life, living paycheck to paycheck and too busy to enjoy life are either newly arrived or not Kenyans. The Kenyans I know, at least those who live in my city, drive beautiful cars, have nice houses etc in fact African immigrants are on average more wealthier than other immigrant groups or even average Americans. The extremely wealthy class knows that with that kind of money, the only pace to be is either Europe or USA, some of the thieves in Kenya would probably like to live in Beverly Hills but they are afraid of the government here. This is actually a very subjective topic, enjoy yourself wherever you are, life is short.

TSA FORCES you to be a loner :D, which is not healthy and you know it.
Good social relationships are critical to happiness because God created us humans as an ultra-social species
To say "I don't need other people to be happy" is just to deceive oneself, my dear blathee. I did all those things you mention and more; house in the burbs surrounded by mlungu letaas(below) I drove those gleaming cars on those highways shwaaaaaaaaaaaa  (by the way I miss driving down I-10 down to Santa Monica nyweeee on weekends) but I was still empty after all that.

But I agree with you. Kila nyani na starehe zake. When I was you guys for 20+ years, I too was justifying why TSA is the best thing since sliced bread - at least for the first ten years :D

Ni hayo tyu

Offline 20 years since Las Vegas

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Re: Life abroad is very lonely
« Reply #22 on: March 19, 2023, 05:57:27 AM »

That is someone who failed to hack it in USA, or was pushed out by the system to jail or deported. If you are into traditional family, wealth, security, and things that make someone happy, USA provides it all.

1. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha who told you wealth makes one happy? If it did, all the billionaires in the world would not have anti-depressants in their medicine cabinets and all those famous dollar-millionaire actors and actresses in Hellyweird would not be committing suicide and dying like flies daily (Think Don Cornelius and hundreds more)
2. Your statement that if you are into traditional family and your other statement (below) that you have no time for fun because people are always busy, taken together, is a joint oxymoron of epic proportions. How can you spend true quality time with your family if you are always working (classic definition of the rat race  :D)? HAIWESEKANI KAPSAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Things you can do in Kenya can be done better in USA. The thing that make USA different and boring remains routine. No time for fun because most people are always busy working, doing business, or saving for retirement (securing the future).

1. WHICH things? :D
2. Some of us retired in 2003 :D If you are still saving and scraping, does that make you a roaring success?
3. I can come there even today if I wanted to and live another decade. In fact haguna ghitu you can tell me about TSA if you are sitll saving and scraping. Not bragging, just stating facts to counter your insinuation

Bottom line, USA is NOT HEALTHY for family, peace of mind and mental health. That's why - as Nowayhaha stated above -  Kwiinyans in TSA are now busy killing each other, going to jail, some homeless, always backbiting each other and soaking themselves in alcohol, not for enjoyment but to drown miseries hapo.


The few who are honest with themselves know TSA life is a very unhappy life EVEN WITH PAPERS AND MOOLAH and are making plans to come home eventually.


Offline RV Pundit

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Re: Life abroad is very lonely
« Reply #23 on: March 19, 2023, 11:43:15 AM »
Maybe it can work if you're self-employed; and can sneak to kenya as much as you want; or at least not have to go through horrible winters; if you can do half the time in kenya; half the time abroad; that could work.

Offline Njuri Ncheke

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Re: Life abroad is very lonely
« Reply #24 on: March 19, 2023, 12:59:34 PM »
Actually all of you are right no one is wrong its just a matter of perception and experience.
My own is indeed abroad can be lonely but not always it depends on what you make of it, Even Kenya can be lonely moving from one town to another example a waria moving from Garissa to baringo might find it very lonely and vice versa
Again Kenya indeed not too many activities people do after work is drinking beer on extreme end others wamenda kanisa, outdoor activities not much,
In short its a cultural thing, However Kenya has absolutely good weather I would rate it numero uno.
“Njenūrū Baimūinge, iī ti wīyathi watūmire mūthiī mūtitū, rīu ūrī mokoinī maitū, nīkīī kīngī mūrenda? Nī gūthūkia mūrenda gūthūkia būrūri; tūtikūmwītikīria mūūthūkie.”