Nipate
Forum => Controversial => Topic started by: Nyakinywa on September 05, 2014, 03:18:18 AM
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The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.
The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it.
He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.
He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution.
On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to wank.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish,
he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied,
"What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're
down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
Carl is getting married to his fiance Sarah in 3 months.
Sarah has a VERY attractive sister named Amy.
Carl notices that Amy is very flirtacious with him, wearing short skirts around him, touching him, etc.
One day, Amy asks Carl to come over and help make the wedding invitations with her.
Carl comes over and they start preparing the invitations. After an hour, Amy stops and says
"I know what you want. I'm going upstairs, come with me if you want one last night of freedom."
Carl runs out the door and goes straight for his car. Just then, Sarah and Amy's family comes around the corner.
Sarah says "I knew you wouldn't cheat!"
Her dad says "You passed our test! I would be honored for you to marry my daughter!"
Moral of the story: Always remember, Never leave all your condoms in your car. ;)
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A little girl complained to her
father, "Daddy, I wish I had a
little sister!"
Trying to be funny, her father
joked, "But honey, you already
have a sister!"
Confused, the toddler asked,
"I do?"
"Sure," her dad said, pulling the
kid's chain. "You don't see
her because every time you come
in the front door, she scoots
out the back door!"
The confused toddler thought for
a moment and then beamed,
"You mean just like my other daddy!" :)
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Wtf was this supposed to be? Kenyans tolerate so much ineptitude, it is amazing!
Despite his length of service on the show, Churchill has not taken an effort to improve his interview skills... :(
In competitive countries without "chronism", this pathetic moment would have resulted in loss of job...
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BILL GATES & NJOROGE the interviewee.
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Njoroge a Kenyan living in USA.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know JAVA programming to leave, 2000 people left. Njoroge said to himself, “I do not know JAVA, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll …give it a try’”
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave, 2000 people left and Njoroge said to himself
“I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?” So he stayed behind again.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who didn’t have a minimum of a Diploma in Business Management to leave. 500 people left the room. Njoroge said to himself, “I left school at 15, grade 7, but what have I got to lose?” So, he stayed in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serb-Croat to leave. 498 people left the room. Njoroge says to himself, “I do not speak one word of Serb-Croat but what do I have to lose?” So he stayed and finds himself with one other candidate.
EVERYONE ELSE HAS GONE.
Bill Gates joined them and said, “Apparently you are the only two candidates who have all the required qualifications & experience I am looking for and speak Serb-Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language. And……..”
Calmly, Njoroge turned to the other candidate and in a horse voice said ‘We mwega mundu wa nyumba? — How are you man from my house’
The other candidate answered softly but clearly saying ‘Gutiri na uru, no gwethera ciana mutu – All is well, just getting food for my children). . . !!”
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(https://scontent-a-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/1479382_10202467859236094_802002346_n.jpg?oh=d219373415b7e4cc6b9678fad0179c69&oe=54D15594)
They will be DEAD drunk by the time... :D
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/64169_10151613609792065_632491175_n.jpg)
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(https://scontent-a-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/v/t1.0-9/1455184_10152097091971663_2049371992_n.jpg?oh=f1a9df1ce387222a54a7c11f0a71a7e2&oe=549F8815)
About that Age Question... :)
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Brilliant!
(http://www.tickld.com/cdn_image_article/a_838_20140905161257.jpg)
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A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
A local politician was to make the presentation but he was delayed, so the priest said a few words of his own as they waited.
“I got a terrible impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here – a man who stole a TV set, lied his way out of it, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’ wife, took drugs … I was appalled.”
But the priest said as time went on he realized not everybody was like that and he had come to a fine parish full of loving people.
Just as the priest finished, the politician arrived full of apologies and spoke.
“I’ll never forget when our parish priest arrived,” he said. “In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.”
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(https://scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10540784_10152279570241035_8553005082420443755_n.jpg?oh=bde4040f7a57080cd3a0cedc41404cb6&oe=54CCD63A)
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A woman was cleaning her husband’s dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it.
She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.
The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years
I put a golf ball in the drawer.
The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad!
Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer?
The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.
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What the heck's she doing...? :D
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/19/woman-boyfriend-falcons-game_n_5849790.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592
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(https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10487325_10152532533047819_8649606013017914532_n.jpg?oh=4afa354e403b87b68956176034b937cb&oe=54CB9BF2&__gda__=1418707014_a8e78559958c618ee18d60ca0e0d53d9)
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A husband takes his wife dancing.
They notice a guy on the dance floor living large, break dancing, moon walking, backflips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
“See that guy? 25 years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
Husband grins and says: “Looks like he’s still celebrating!!!”
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After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side.
“Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants.
I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said
that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they are too big for you,
I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem."
Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night.
Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian.
“Try these on,” she said.
Brian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small.
“What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” said Brian.
“Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”